roller coaster

life, i have decided, is a roller coaster.
it is also a river and a journey and a box of chocolates. and a bunch of other things. but right now i'm thinking about roller coasters, so that's what i'm going to go with.
it has ups and downs and turns and twists and after a while you get kind of whoosily and you can't stand up straight and you bumble around until you either get better or throw up.
or maybe, life isn't the roller coaster. i am. or rather, i'm the rider. which would mean that life is the roller coaster. okay, now i'm just confusing myself.
i have my ups and downs and i love making twists and turns to keep life interesting. i like going fast, both literally and figuratively. but all that fast triggers my motion sickness-prone stomach and i bumble around and either avoid doing something stupid or mess things up.
and then i get back on.
is that stupid? or does it just mean that i have the right perspective? because if you never pick yourself up, you stay down in the mud and dust and never rise up to that point where you are so exhilarated and terrified that you can't think and you get that beautiful rush of endorphins some people live for.
maybe i'm a thrill seeker.
i wonder, do i mess things up on purpose just so i can get the pleasure of sorting everything back out again? because if that's true, i'd be the first person to call it stupid.
life is never predictable. you never know if things can be fixed or if it will be ruined before it ever starts.